He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
