tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
