So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize