The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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