I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
