The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
