Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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