Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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