So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
