There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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