it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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