we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
