i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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