having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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