my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
