your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
