I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
