he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
