This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
