dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
