I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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