He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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