i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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