If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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