Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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