Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
