did you get engaged???
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I forget how to act sober
Randomize