You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I believe in your delicious
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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