Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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