my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize