Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
