Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
