I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
