I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Even my vagina gasped.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
