i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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