Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
