she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
