She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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