i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
