she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
