If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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