Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
