well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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