4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
