Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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