I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
