My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
