I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
