I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
