my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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