i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His nipple licking is glorious
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