no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
