its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The Olympian is in my bed
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