its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
