so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
