He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
