well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
