ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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