One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize