is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
