New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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