I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
