My hair reeks of homosexuality.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
